Well, it wasn't easy going back to the clinic, because I really, REALLY didn't want to see that number on the scale.. the number that I HAD TO SHOW my nurse... I walked in and Betty and Saul were suprised and happy to see me. They both gave me a hug and asked where the heck I'd been.. I was so emotional just driving to the clinic, I didn't know whether I can keep it together if I told them the whole ridiculous story. I told Betty that I am sorry for being M.I.A and I basically need help. I need to start another program and I really need some extra help and pushing along this time. I also apologized for never returning their phone calls from the last series.. I felt so bad, but finally came to my senses today.
Betty got all the paperwork and escorted me to her lab room. I warned her that I may cry, especially when I get on the scale. I knew basically what I weighed, but having to face it with another person in the room is even tougher to swallow. 224.4 pounds. Shit!! It was even worst than I thought. Thank goodness Betty is so sweet and thoughtful. She said that we will get through this. That after today, I will never have to see that number on the scale again.. Fuck! But I've heard that speech before..
Ugh!! Betty said that I need to not be so negative.. losing weight is very much in the mind as well as the physical body. I know, I know... you're right.
She took my blood pressure and my measurments.. and asked me how I have been. I told her how stressed out I am. I am so tired because I can't seem to get any sleep at night. My mind is constantly racing. I mean, the economy the way it is, I am always nervous that I will be the next person to get laid off, despite how many times I've been told how important me and my position is to the company. But I know that no one should ever get comfortable and complacent.. no one has job security. I told her how busy I am at work, and how insane I am going right now because I am moving in two days!
I HATE moving! I have moved 5 times in 6 years... this weekend will be the 6th! I have so much packing to do, and the last month trying desperately to find someone to help me move from one place to the next, I have had two crying break downs. I mean, hopefully after this weekend, it will get better, but there is always something. I will have to unpack, and set up, and rearrange, and paint, and etc, etc, etc...
Betty was sweet in listening to my ranting and venting. And after everything I told her, she wasn't surprised to see my blood pressure a little higher than normal. And, I NEVER have had high blood pressure. I usually pride myself on how great my blood pressure and cholesterol numbers are.. but, today, it just added to my overweight dilemna... go figure.
So, my first day of the first week of my 10-week program: Protein day #1
Breakfast:
A venti, nonfat, sugarfree caramel latte
Morning Snack:
1 string cheese
Lunch:
Progresso Lite Italian Meatball and Vegetable soup
Afternoon Snack:
1 coconut Atkins protein bar
Dinner:
1 Peanut and caramel Atkins protein bar
Evening Snack:
Lindora Peach Mango Drink Mix with 16 oz of water
Other non-calorie liquids:
1 Lindora Mixed Fruit Fiber Drink Mix with 16 oz of water
44 oz. of Diet Mt. Dew (from 7-Eleven)
8 oz. of water (with my Omega-3 vitamins)
20 oz. of Diet Mt. Dew (I'm really tired and have a lot of packing to do)
18 oz. of water
Total Calories: 1080
Total Fat: 32 g
Total Carbs: 85
Total protein: (8 servings) 76 g
Total Non-Calorie Liquids: 124 Fluid oz.
Not the greatest, but not too bad either. Okay, off to the gym.
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